“Stalking is creepy” that was what I told to people before. You know, In high school I got so many stalkers. Most of them were my juniors. I didn’t understand why they had crush on me like “come on girls, you got much more handsome and talented boys out there.” I always felt paranoid when someone asked me whether I had dinner or not -It is typical Indonesian stalking style- and tended to ignore them. Even some of them called me on the phone just for asking rhetorical questions. This remained until my freshman year at Indonesia.

But everything was change. I didn’t believe that Karma exist. Shit. I started crushing on girls when my, you know, hormones kicked me up. It was too cheasy judging people who be kind upon you like smiling and start talking first when we meet that they like or have crush on you. It’s not. They are just good people you met. They might do the same thing to other people they socialize. Don’t feel so special. Who do you think you are, huh?

So, when the misunderstanding came up, I became so creepy, like literally creepy. I checked out every social media they used, read their blogs or tweets, scrolling her all instagram photos. I was creazy.

But then I realized something. When I turned back to my religion. In the some verse in its Holy Book, it says that Impure women are for impure men, and impure men for impure women. Good women are for good men, and good men are for good women. So I retrospect myself and back then I was such an selfish kid, ain’t care about religion, did bad deed, etc. According to the verse, if this condition goes on, I would marry bad woman as bad as I’m who always abandoned my prayer, so if am I a good person.

I began to be proactive and see with different perspectives, hold my prayers, be good, be punctual (it’s still tough), do my assignments, anything as long as it’s good. I try to change. You harvest what you have planned, right? I think this is the only way to a dream girl you want. Beautiful, smart, pious, coming from good family, and maybe rich (this one is not my creatia for a dream girl).

So I stop stalking. I’m sorry for those I ignored when they had crush on me. Maybe this was your pray so I could feel what you felt. Karma exists though. You earn what you give, right?


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